


"You could have died"

by LouisaPeters



Series: Prompts [7]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Love Confessions, Near Death Experiences, POV Jyn Erso, Prompt Fic, Self-Hatred, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-16 02:46:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18512323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LouisaPeters/pseuds/LouisaPeters
Summary: After a mission goes sour, Jyn confides in Cassian about her past for the first time.





	"You could have died"

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stardust424](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=stardust424).



Jyn Erso had a canteen. It was a black, standard issue canteen that all of the Pathfinders took on missions. She filled it with water and carried it in her worn leather bag. Jyn also had a flask. It was silver and dirt stained and it had been a gift from some of Saw’s men on her fifteenth birthday. She didn’t fill that with water, usually that was filled with bitterfruit liqueur or brandy and she sipped from it on missions that didn’t go well. 

She tasted the water canteen before she even opened her eyes and when the cool liquid rushed into her mouth, she sputtered and gasped and wished it had been bitterfruit liqueur because she knew before she even came too that this mission had not gone well. 

She came too with a start and pictures of dirty bars, fists flying, and half drunk shots of liquor slammed into her, leaving her gasping for breathing and attempting to push herself off the hard cot where she was lying. Before she could stand, warm, familler hands pushed her back down. When she tried a second time, the hands started to rub the expanse of her back. 

“Hush now. Don’t panic, it’s just me.” She recognized his voice before her vision blurred into focus and she realized she was lying on her stomach on a cot in a ship. The room was too bright, the cot was too soft, and Cassian’s voice was too gentle. She tried to push herself up, but Cassian’s hands, already on her back, wouldn’t let her. “Jyn, stop, you’ll hurt yourself. You can sit in a little.” She caught her breath and slowly blinked, her vision returning to her. Cassian looked worried, kneeled next to the cot. He kept one on her shoulder, to make sure she couldn’t get up, and the other moved up to stroke her hair. “Don’t move, you hit your head.” 

“Cassian,” she gasped. “What happened?” His hand was warm, continuing to push hair out of her face and she blinked a few more times, before going limp on the cot. He moved up from his spot on the ground to sit next to her. 

“You hit your head on the side of the bar,” he repeated, calm and composed. “And you’re dehydrated, I think. You had a little too much to drink and it was hot in there.” Her throat was sore and she tried to swallow but it felt sticky and dry. Her head spun and hear ears felt like they’d been stuffed with cotton. Cassian lifted the canteen to her lips again. She took another greedy sip and even thought the water was lukewarm and was tinged with the plastic of the canteen, she gulped it down. Cassian pulled it away after she started to drink faster. “Slow sips or you’ll be sick,” his accent seemed heavier than normal. Jyn turned her head to face him, not moving from the pillow. 

“Are you alright?” She asked, her voice still hoarse. He lifted the canteen up again and she took another sip, slow this time. He ran a hand through his hair and she put the canteen down and sagged against the pillow again. 

“I defused the situation before any of them took a swing at me, if that’s what you are referring too.” His voice was tight now and he’d risen up from his place by her bed to stand in the center of the room. Jyn exhaled slow and with some effort, pushed herself up, so she could watch him. She usually didn’t think about what she said before she said it, but she didn’t want a fight, not when he looked so upset and she was incapacitated.

“I knew you’d be mad.” She chose her words carefully and spoke slow and neutral. Cassian scoffed. He clearly wasn’t as focused on being neutral, which was new to her. Usually, even when they fought, he was calm and level and rational.

“That’s an understatement. You put yourself in danger and you didn’t even get the information we were after.” He turned around to face her. She hoped he didn’t notice her shifting uncomfortably on the cot. 

“How was I supposed to know any of the Partisans would be there? And how was I supposed to know we weren’t on good terms now?” Jyn crossed her arms and leaned forward on the cot. “Draven said it was going to be an in and out and if they hadn’t recognized me, it would have been.”

“I gave you an out, Jyn! You should have taken it. I could have met the informant myself and none of them knew me.”

“They knew you were rebellion. They saw you with me,” Jyn argued.

“We’d have that data if you hadn’t been on bad terms with them.”

“Blame Saw Gerrera for that, not me.”

“I’m not blaming you for being on bad terms with them I’m blaming you for picking a fight!” Cassian hissed. She felt a hot blame build up in her chest and she tried to tamper it, to burn it out, but when she opened her mouth all she could feel was an explosion. 

“I didn’t start it!” Jyn protested, looking away. 

“What are you? A child? You couldn’t have walked away?”

“You should have heard what they were saying about me!”

“God! Jyn! You’re unbelievable sometimes!” 

“Cassian, you don’t even understand, so just shut up!” 

“But this is the problem, Jyn! I might not understand, but you never help me! You never talk to me! Jyn, you could have died! If you’d hit your head a little harder, if any one of them had pulled a blaster or a knife!” Cassian was breathing heavy when he was done yelling and Jyn leaned up against the wall of the ship, eyes closed and hair back in her face. She took a long breath before speaking. 

“I wasn’t going to leave you alone with any of those men. They raised me. I know what they do to people that get on their bad side. I’m on their bad side. You were sitting with me.” She opened her eyes and sat up straight, looking at Cassian. “If I lost you, I don’t know what I’d do. You’re the only person who cares about me, and Cassian, I don’t deserve it. I’m not a good person and I don’t deserve it. There is nothing to like about me and there is no reason for you to stay and one day, you’re going to realize that I’m not worth it, like Saw did, and you’re going to leave.” She leaned against the wall again and her breath came in a shaky inhale and exhale. When she opened her eyes again and looked at Cassian he hadn’t moved from his space in the center of the room. His lips were parted and he looked like she’d slapped him. 

“Jyn…” He trailed off and took a step towards the bed. She shook her head and turned away. She was not going to cry right now. She was angry at him. He was angry at her. She could fight. That was easy. That was what she was trained to do. 

“What, Cassian? What do you want?” She snapped. He shook his head and took another step to the cot and she refused to meet his eyes, even when he sat down next to her. 

“Thank you,” he whispered. “Thank you for sharing that.” And just like that, Jyn could feel herself deflate, all fire gone, all sparks extinguished. She leaned her head on Cassian’s shoulder and pressed out an exhale. 

“I don’t like to talk like that. It gives you something to use when you leave.” She confessed. Cassian shook his head and pulled her closer. He leaned forward and reached a hand out to rest on her shoulder, but she wrenched away and couldn’t stop a few tears from dropping down her face. Cassian tried again and this time she sagged, leaning against the wall and into his touch. She wiped the tears and turned to him. She opened her mouth to speak again but he hushed her. 

“Jyn, that’s never going to happen. I’m never going to leave. It never even crossed my mind.” His voice shook, which was new. She didn’t think she’d ever heard that from him before. “Listen to me, Jyn. I love you. I know you and I love you.” She didn't know what else to say. Her head was spinning and her thoughts were racing. She looked over at him and met his eyes and said the only thing that she thought had a chance at convincing her of the truth of his words, that he wasn’t lying to her like he did everyone else, that was more than a information and more than a tool. 

“You’re with me right?” He grinned and it was infectious. 

“All the way.”

**Author's Note:**

> I accept all prompts on tumblr, anon or not! You can find me at thelostgalaxyinspace!


End file.
